A GRADUATE’S EDUCATION

WHAT CAN BE LEARNED FROM THE GRADUATE

As the bright young things of the 21st century tuck their new degrees into their back pockets, it’s understandable if they seem a little worried about their future. After all, how will this new generation of graduate gentlemen come-of-age in a world of economic unrest and boundless uncertainty? With our launch of our new shirt “The Graduate”, we decided to look to Benjamin Braddock, the original graduate, and learn what life lessons can be learned from his example.


1. Rebel against authority with a fast car.

First, you may have been the track star, the head of the debate club and the editor of the college paper, but as a graduate, you are a vulnerable novice in an older world. So as you drift aimlessly, it may be best to do so in an Alfa Romeo Spider. While we aren’t all given sports cars as graduation presents, rite-of-passage rebellion will always look sharp behind the wheel of an Italian roadster.


2. What music to listen to.

Now, get the soundtrack right and punctuate your young adult misadventures with Simon and Garfunkel. There’s “Mrs. Robinson” for sunny strolls in the park or “Scarborough Fair/Canticle” for melancholic midnight drinks. Ironically, “The Sound of Silence” sounds superb, and while The Graduate has proven that Simon and Garfunkel sound good, comparatively they do not look good. Play the record, but keep the LP cover out of sight when entertaining company.


3. How to make girls like you.

Budding romance, if undesired, may be nipped in the bud by a careful choice of dinner date destination. As Benjamin Braddock demonstrated, if you wish to spurn the interest of a nice young lady, then sitting her in the front row of a strip joint will do the trick. Also, ensure you drive recklessly at night whilst wearing sunglasses.

 

4. Older women are nothing but trouble.


Contrary to popular opinion, do not be seduced by Mrs. Robinson. Regardless of the mystique of sipping bourbon at the Taft, Mrs. Robinson is a bored and bitter alcoholic. She is a symbol of a selfish and exploitative era, so don’t covet the success of the older generation. Carve out your own path in the world… even if it means forcefully stealing another man’s bride while wielding a large crucifix.


Finally, you’re only a graduate once. Enjoy it. Take a swim. Try not to worry too much about your future. No matter how old you get, it never quite arrives.
 

26 February 2013
Shirt Tales
The Journal Of Pugnacious George
Discoveries, Musings, Misadventures

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